Life As Told By Lindsey Willows
by squeakyfingers
Summary: Catherine thought she didn't know....


Disclaimer: Nope I don't own them and I never will….boo-hoo hoo. Don't own "Breathe" by Greenwheel either (but man that lead singer is hot). This story is best read while playing the song.

A/N:  I would like to thank Marita for becoming my grammar beta and for partially giving me the idea for this fic. I'm sure she doesn't know how, but she did give me the idea, sort of. All our inside jokes make writing so much more fun. You rock MarBear. I would also like to thank Jennifer for pre-reading this for me  and praising it; together team we're Catherine Willow. Lastly I thank Karin for praising every one of my fics she's ever read. You're such a sweetheart Karin! ! Ohh…wait! I have to thank the secret reverend society as well. Many conversations about my involvement in that has sort of inspired this as well. He, he, he…

Summary: They thought she didn't know……  

Life as told by Lindsey Willows 

****

**~~~~~**

I played the fool today 

And I can see us vanishing into the crowd          

~~~~~

She thought I didn't know. She thought she was protecting me, shielding me from the angry words that he threw at her constantly. I saw the strained happy faces and fake smiles she put on whenever I was around. But I knew exactly what was happening. Even as a little kid I was not blind.

~~~~~

Longing for home again,

But home, is a feeling I buried in you

~~~~~

I remember the countless times my mother ended up curled next to me in my arms. I could see the tears running down her face, clutching me tightly as if she was clinging on for dear life. She would lay in the dark for hours with me, unaware that I was awake. Unaware that I could feel the pain he inflicted upon her, that I saw the sadness in her eyes. 

~~~~~

I'm alright, I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

~~~~~

The bruises stick out visibly in my mind. Dark, blue, harsh bruises that covered her arms and legs. She would pick me up and wince under all the pain. I remember hospitals. White walled, sterile hospitals that smelled of antiseptic. I never could get used to them. Countless times I visited my mother there. She told often told me she was there because she was sick. She thought I didn't know any better. She thought I didn't know that my father had hit her. But I did, and it scared me. Every time I was in that house alone with him I prayed that my mother would come home soon; fearing the day that she wouldn't.

~~~~~

I can't ask for things to be still again

I can't ask for you to offer the world through your eyes

~~~~~

            Still she stayed. Never faltering, never falling; always holding her head high. She never told Grissom, but he was able to figure it out on his own.  It wasn't hard to do. Sick days build up, and after awhile she just ran out excuses. I remember the day he confronted her about it. She had run to the office after picking me up from pre-school. I loved that place, always teeming with new experiences, I still do love that place. At the time I was engaging the new CSI whom I affectionately called "Uncle Wawwick".  We were in the lab when I heard it. Loud ringing voices and hateful words coming from Grissom's office. 

            "Catherine! Damnit I'm your friend! Don't lie to me! First he hits you, and now he's cheating on you and you are still going to stay with him?!"

            " Gil Grissom, you don't know what the hell you're talking about! You have no God damn idea!"

            The screaming just would not stop. It was endless. I don't remember how long they fought for. All I recall is covering my ears and hiding in the corner. It was all my fault; I knew why she stayed. She stayed because of me.

~~~~~

Longing for home again 

But home, is a feeling I buried in you

~~~~~

            Then I remember my dad. He came violently rushing into the fray. I don't know why he was there, but he was. The yelling grew more intense. I heard banging and crashing and then silence. Just an eerie silence. 

~~~~~

I'm alright, I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

I'm alright I'm alright 

It only hurts when I breathe

~~~~~

            Red lights. Ambulance sirens. Policemen. Confusion. It was total confusion. "Uncle Wawwick" was holding me close the whole time. I was afraid. I saw my dad being taken away and Grissom speaking to the police. It wasn't until years later did I get the whole story about my fathers violent rampage.

~~~~~ My window through which nothing hides, and everything sings 

I'm counting the signs,

and cursing the miles in between

 ~~~~~

            I remember the day she told about the divorce. She didn't expect me to understand and truth be told, I didn't. Daddy was going away was all I knew. We were safe. Together.

~~~~~ I'm alright, I'm alright 

It only hurts when I breathe 

I'm alright, I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

~~~~~

            Deep in her heart she thought it would be better for me. She knew what it was like to grow up in a broken home; she didn't want that for me. She sacrificed herself for my well-being. So she never told me about her pain, her heartbreak. But I knew. I could see in her eyes. She never asked me what I wanted. All I ever wanted was her.

~~~~~

_It only hurts when I breathe………_

_It only hurts when I breathe………_

~~~~~ The End 

Please send me some feedback on this…….Tell me what you think of it!


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